Healed and Healing

This picture of the Fall of Saigon brings back my anger and disappointment about my years in and out of Vietnam. When I think of Vietnam, it is the sound of helicopters that I remember most. I still get anxious when I hear them overhead. It has been a long time -- 1970 -- but it seems like yesterday. I can hear the sounds and see the sights. Another think that reminds me of Nam is the sight and sounds of the fireworks on the 4th or July. In Vietnam, every night the skies were lit by a barrage of flares. Let's get this clear; I was not a hero , I was not wounded, nor do I suffer from PTSD. Yet, I have a lot of feelings and memories from this time that I would like to forget.

In November 2013, I began to dream about Vietnam. This was for no apparent reason. I didn't sense anything happening. The Holy Spirit Renewal Ministries Executive Committee was meeting at Clay Ford's house. I had to pick up two of the women from out of town and take them to the meeting. As we were on the road to the meeting, Norelle asked me what I felt about Vietnam. Wow, out of the blue! I told her that in some ways the day that Saigon fell was one of the worst days of my life. I told her that I had a hard time looking at that picture of the helicopter at the Embassy without tearing up. I began to tell her that I was and still am angry over Vietnam; 50,000 young men and women died to save the country from Communism. Then, in 1975, we gave it to the Communists and tucked our tails between our legs and went home. What a waste!

I was a Naval Officer and served in the US Navy from October 1960-April 1975. Most of that time was centered on Vietnam. In 1961 while serving on a Destroyer we were involved in air control for some operations being conducted in country. In 1964 while aboard the USS Paul Revere, we spent time in Saigon waiting for a potential evacuation of US Citizens (it didn't happen, but we were there.) Then in 1965, while serving on an LST (The Mahnomen County) in Norfolk VA, the home port of the ship was changed from Norfolk to Saigon. So, I spent most of 1966 cruising from places like Qui Nhon to Chu Lai and then to Danang, doing resupply. Even though I was shipboard, this counted as an "in country tour." In 1968 and 1969 I was aboard ship performing operations off the coast. Then, in 1970 the Bureau of Naval Personnel said that they really had a "career enhancing job for me." I was to be the Assistant Operations Officer for Naval Support Activity in Danang. This was essentially a desk job -- long hours, a lot of noise and rocket attacks, but relatively safe. Unfortunately after I had been there a few months, since the Navy was cutting back in Danang, I received orders to be the "Duffel Bag" Officer in Binh Thuy (in the Mekong Delta.) I was devastated! I was going to watch over the sea bags of the sailors down there. 

Before I left Danang, a Lieutenant Commander came to brief me on my new job. Duffel Bag was a code name for a somewhat clandestine operation mostly in the delta. I had 13 detachments working for me spread throughout the delta. Our unit planted sensors along the Ho Chi Minh trail and when the sensors were activated, we called in fire and destroyed the enemy. At some bases, we were also active in base defense. The organization was unusual -- I was Navy and attached to River Patrol Flotilla Five, but I was under the operational control of the Army -- I rode Army helicopters and briefed an Army General (the Helo crews all called my major.) I was also an advisor to the Vietnamese Navy. In my job, I spent 3 or 4 days a week riding Huey's around the delta, taking teams into their Landing zones and helping them get resupplied. This was where I felt the war. One of my detachments at Song on Doc was responsible for base defense, yet the base was destroyed (the good news was that my people were OK.) I also lost one of my teams in Chu Lai; it was an advisory team composed of three men (the rest were Vietnamese). One was killed and the other two had to be sent out of country.   

Later, in 1973, I was in North Vietnam with the task force removing the mines that we had planted earlier. This was a result of the Paris Accords which led to the release of our POWs. John McCain you owe me. I finished my career by planning the evacuation of Pnomh Penh, Cambodia when it fell. This was somewhat simultaneous to the fall of Saigon.

One last thing hit me wrong. After I left the Navy, I went to the VA hospital and they refused to treat me unless I signed a waiver that I would never sue them over Agent Orange.I do need to say that in later years I have found the VA to be very supportive. 

I seldom thought of these things, but for some reason I was thinking about them and feeling them in November. Then Norelle lanced the boil and my feelings began to come out. Sorry for that Norelle! But, here is where the Spirit moved. Indeed this is the rest of the story. Clay was scheduled to lead a healing service at Skyline Wesleyan Church. Those of us on the Executive Committee were to minister to people desiring that healing. When the time came to pray, I was down in front and the person that approached me for prayer was a tall, good looking young man -- yet he walked with a limp and had a cane. I asked him what was going on in his life; what did he want the Lord to do for him? He then told me, "I am in constant pain. I have a spinal injury from a broken neck that I suffered in Afghanistan. I also have been diagnosed with PTSD and I am so angry." Wow! I told him that I was an old Vietnam vet and began to pray. He experienced a touch from the Lord. I have no way of knowing how much healing he received, but I do know that we experienced the presence of the Lord together. We both cried together. It was healing. I received healing. Am I completely free of my negative feelings. No, but the dreams have stopped. I believe that much of the anger is gone. God is freeing me up. The Spirit moves in strange ways. First I dreamed bad dreams. Norelle questioned me -- out of the blue. A wounded soldier from Afghanistan sought me out for prayer. I receive healing. Thank you Lord.