A Tough Time; A Good Time

I see that my last post was in July. I think that I have forgotten how to write. I have meant to write, but sometimes I just couldn't. A lot has happened since my last post -- some not so good. Yet, in retrospect, God has blessed Linda and I immensely. I suppose that I should let you in on what has been happening in our lives. But first I must just admit that I have been busy and just didn't feel like writing.

The major difficulties have revolved around Linda's health. She has been in the hospital four times during this period. She had one cardiac procedure and two spells where she couldn't breathe adequately (Asthma?) Of course it is Linda who has the problem -- but I become an emotional basket case. I don't feel like doing much of anything. Then, I ended up in the emergency room because of a fall. We live in a basement apartment. To get to the car, we have a flight of concrete steps. I pride myself in how well I can just almost run up the stairs. Unfortunately on one of my runs, my right foot hit the top step and I began to fall onto the concrete driveway -- don't fear, I managed to break my fall with my face. I looked like I had been in a fight. I had a big bump with a bright red scab on it right in the middle of my forehead. I also had two black eyes and a cut over the bridge of my nose. But, it was really my pride that was most injured! As I went into the emergency room the triage nurse said, "You are over 70 and on blood thinners. We need a cat scan of your head and neck immediately." I liked the prompt attention -- but I could have done without the "over 70 needs special treatment" statement. Oh well. I got over it. Linda seems to be doing well now. I finally feel like writing.

We also had some good times during this period. We got to spend time with our friends Sharon and Wayne when they visited us from Tucson. Then Linda and I went to Wilmington, NC to visit Donna (Linda's sister) and George (her husband.) This was a wonderful time. It was also a special gift because Donna and George not only entertained us royally but they paid our way back there. Linda and I are blessed with good friends and a wonderful family. That makes up for all of the down times. But when I am busy having a good time, I also don't feel like writing.

Then, I began to feel guilty. I really believe that the Lord wants me to write. I want to write and I believe that I have something to say. But, when I feel guilty -- I move into avoidance mode. I don't write. In fact I don't do much of anything except avoid doing whatever I am "supposed to do." 

Two more good things that I should mention. I not only got a new driver's license -- good for five years -- but my eyes are still 20/20 -- with no glaucoma or cataracts -- not bad for an old man. Then there is the VA. I have already written about receiving hearing aids. The reason that it took me so long to apply at the VA is my resentment from the 70s. When I went to the hospital for treatment in 1977 or so, they refused to treat me unless I signed a waiver that I would never sue them over exposure to Agent Orange. This really angered me. How ironic! I just mentioned this to the VA and signed some papers. This month I received my first check for a disability due to my exposure to Agent Orange. They have determined that my heart attack and stroke was probably (at least partly) due to my exposure to Agent Orange. This is a real surprise.

I am confessing, that some of these things make me feel old and weak. This is what the Lord told me this morning. "You say, 'I am old and weak.' I say, 'Trust me for I will give you strength and wisdom. You have nothing to fear. I am with you!'" This is my encouragement. I am old. I am a lot weaker than I want to be. Yet, God is with me. He is my strength. I can mount up on wings as an eagle. I can climb the stairs without falling. I can and will write.